Untied Front

In the article " Who's the Boss?" by Richard Miller he tells us that as parents we need to be the leaders of the family he says " In healthy, well-functioning families, there is a clear hierarchy between parents and children. Parents are the “executive committee” and the “board of directors” of a family. As with any other leadership position, parents should not be harsh, domineering, or dictatorial, but they are the leaders of the family, and the children need to follow that leadership".  It is important as parents as we lead our families that as mother and father that we have a united front.  The article states " It is important that parents work together in their leadership in the family. Sometimes a parent forms a coalition with a child against the other parent. Although usually unspoken, a parent undermines the other parent. It is vital that parents support each other in the presence of their children. If parents disagree on parenting issues, they should discuss the issues in an “executive session” without the children present. Children often try to play their parents off of each other. Consequently, it is important that parents make sure that they are working together and making decisions that are consistent with each other."  It is so important that our children know that as parents we are unified in our decision making.  Our children need to know that Mom and Dad are in this together. This gives children the stability that they need in their home.  Children can learn at a very young age to try and play their parents.  When my two oldest kids were probably 2 and 3 years old, they decided they wanted candy canes.  They first came to me and asked if they could have a candy cane.  I told them no they could not have right now, they had to just had baths and it was time for bed.  They walked away and I heard them go to their dad ask him if they could have a candy cane.  He told my kids to check with me.  My husband knew that I would care whether or not they had candy before bed even if he did not care.   My children learned that Mom and Dad made decisions together and that it was not that easy to play us against each other.  When parents do disagree, it is still important that you have each other’s backs and you don't disagree about it in front of your children.  It is not okay for one parent make the other parent look like the bad guy.  If you need to discuss something let the child know that the two of you will discuss it and then let them know.  When you show respect to your spouse then your children will show respect as well.  Parenting is rough but it’s a little easier when you have a united front and a partner to back you up.